Football chairman rules out bid for Gareth Bale

Won't muddy his boots for HTFC

Won’t muddy his boots for HTFC

The chairman of struggling Harold Thursday football club has conceded that there was probably not ‘quite enough cash’ in the kitty to buy the £80m rated player, despite the fact that  the purchase of Tottenham Hotspur superstar Gareth Bale would ‘do wonders’ for the club’s prospects in the Crumble’s Biscuit League.

“Although we are a small football club which makes only a modest profit, we are technically better off than a club like Chelsea which loses zillions every year,’ pointed out club supremo Billy McKean. “The snag is that we have only £239.57 left in the bank and even if we got a loan from the village hall funds, we would struggle to meet Gareth’s terms.”

“It’s a shame really,” reflected McKean, “as I’m sure Gareth would find a lot in Harold to his liking. We know he is keen to play European football, which is something the club achieved last year after our kick about in the coach park at Calais during the booze cruise.”

“Also, he would feel very much at home as I’m sure that Dave Zhou, the manager of our North Korean restaurant, comes from somewhere near Wales.”

Harold Thursday’s loyal fanbase is philosophical about the loss of Bale. “Of course it would have been wonderful to have him here storming down the wing, especially across that mysterious patch that stays muddy all year round,” he said, “but hopefully the chairman can put in a bid for a cheaper senior player who is past his best like Wayne Rooney.”

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