Homeopath tackles epidemic by treating water supply with ‘single measle’

A single, measly measle

In response to news of a Rubeola epidemic, local Homeopath George Tredinnick has isolated a single measle, and plans to drop it down Harold’s water well.

With the MMR jab refusing to protect those that didn’t benefit from it, Tredinnick claims that the current crisis calls for ‘something more potent, with the sort of strength that comes from watering it down’.

“According to my homeopathic principles, slipping just half a measle down the village pump could protect the residents of our community”, revealed Tredinnick.

“In fact dilution is key, so almost not adding a measle is even better. I could leave it in a beaker, somewhere close to the well.”

Tredinnick has lobbied the local Tesco Express to withdraw welsh cakes from its shelves, fearing a tenuous link could cause infections in Swansea to travel by memory along the M4.

“Just not talking about measles might be enough to nip the contagion in the bud”, said Tredinnick. “It was too much talk that stopped the MMR treatment from working. There’s no evidence for that, the science is very diluted, making it a cast-iron certainty in homeopathic terms.”

Pippa Delaney has complained bitterly about the sudden retraction of her recipe for Welsh Rarebit from the parish newsletter, firmly denying that it could act as an ‘accelerator’ to those with receptive toast.

“If you care to think back, you’ll see that Tredinnick is an idiot”, said Delaney. “Remember last Summer when he tried to protect us from parasites by adding a thimble of tapeworms to our water? That was a total disaster, although it did have the side effect of curing our obesity epidemic.”