Tag Archives: Squirrel Lickers

Local landlord to use quantitative easing to pay tax bill

image Local businessman Eddie Grudgingly, landlord of The Squirrel Lickers Arms, Harold, has said he will pay his upcoming tax bill through a round of quantitative easing (QE).

In a statement on the pub’s Facebook page, Eddie explained that although German beers were doing very well, poor sales of the Greek Kofta and the Portuguese ‘Ronaldo spit roast’ meant the pubs growth was static.

“In light of those figures, We have decided to make our own money and use that to pay HMRC,” the statement said.

“This may seem like we are just making life easier by making our own money instead of dealing with the underlying issues, but this move is actually massive benefit for everyone involved. Unfortunately we have no idea why that is, but if we say it enough times you may just start believing us.”

Among the critics of the move was Lionel Garage, leader of the Harold Independence Party.

“It’s fine if the taxman is willing to accept it, but the thought of just printing money to sort your cash flow out seems too good to be true,” Garage said.

“Like the time he offered free pork scratchings with every pint at the same time his psoriasis flared up.”

Despite the criticism that this may be immoral, Eddie said that it will actually help put money back into the community, specifically within the art world.

“My printer’s run out of ink so I’m looking for someone who can draw a really good queen.”

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Filed under Business, News, Politics

Jeremy Vine solves slight disagreement – very few injured


Vine not looking his best in the Lickers just before 4am, wearing special radio shoes coated in sick

One of Harold’s most controversial issues has finally been laid to rest, after a chance visit from Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine.

Anyone who knows Harold also knows just how divisive opinions can be. Over the years the village has seen arguments between neighbours and friends, and even the odd family feud. Many a punch up in the Squirrel Lickers Arms has been blamed on disagreements, together with copious amounts of over-priced alcohol.

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Filed under Around Harold, Golden Showers, News, Uncategorized