Following criticism of their decision to not include the female Rey character as one of the playable pieces in “Star Wars Monopoly”, the manufacturers have announced that the game will now come with Rey busily using the traditional “iron” piece.
“We recognise how bad it looked to leave out the main girl character,” admitted a spokesman from Hasbro, the makers of Monopoly. “We heard your criticisms, and we’ve moved swiftly to make things better, by introducing a new Rey piece, engaged in the womanly pursuit of ironing.”
“None of the other old pieces worked – we didn’t think she’d much fancy driving a car, let alone a ship, and the top hat was obviously out. But with the iron, we think we’ve found something that will both delight and be familiar to our girly customers everywhere.” Continue reading
It’s all about respect
There were fears today that the excellent reputation for women’s rights built up over many years in Australia could be fatally tarnished after various unsavoury incidents, including Chris Gayle’s embarrassing flirting and Member of Parliament Peter Dutton being forced to apologise for calling a female journalist a “fucking witch”.
Over the past hundred years or so, few countries have had the excellent reputation for sexual equality enjoyed by Australia. It has always been a given that at work or leisure, sexism was quite unheard of, and females could enjoy a life of absolute equality without the faintest hint of lechery or belittlement. This ingrained culture of inclusiveness is displayed just as much towards the country’s aboriginal community, who have always enjoyed better treatment than that of any other developed nation, and are so well represented in parliament.
It is all the more shocking that a country with Australia’s unparalleled cultural heritage should be besmirched in this way, placing at risk the great intellectual legacy left by former Prime Minister Tony Abbott.
We’ll overthrow the patriarchy tomorrow today is about cake
As women-only gym sessions grow in popularity exercisephobic women in Harold are demanding their own man-free space.
‘At the fitness centre in Dunstable they have women-only classes and women-only swimming sessions plus times when the whole place is only open to girls,’ Jane Hough wistfully told The Evening Harold. ‘I bet it’s brilliant but I can’t participate because I’m completely lazy and haven’t exercised since school.’
Fellow Haroldite Melissa Barker was quick to agree. ‘Fit women and those on the way to being fit get loads of gender-specific events,’ she said. ‘Like gym sessions and the Blimp to Shrimp slimming club in the village hall. But because I refuse to take responsibility for my own health and well-being I have to put up with men all the time and it’s not fair.’ Continue reading