He’s not joking
Rap star Kanye West actually believes the things he says and is not on a massive wind up, according to sources close to the bell-end.
The part-time Hip Hop artist, part-time fashion designer, full-time egotist has been lamenting the fact that he simply does not have enough money to change the world in all the ways that he could, and apparently he’s serious. Continue reading
There must be somewhere around here I can get some peace
The Philae comet lander has revealed that the reason it missed its intended landing site and is now tucked under a rock somewhere is that it is trying to escape news of Kim Kardashian.
Philae got to the comet after a 10-year, 6.4 billion-km journey, but is now shielded by rocks from the light that would recharge its batteries and is not expected to be operational for much longer. This means that it will no longer have to hear any tedious updates about Kim, or see pictures of her massive ass. Continue reading
Following In the footsteps of Labour leader Ed Miliband, North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un has been accused of trying to capitalise on people’s misery and enhance his image in the West by visiting flood affected areas in the UK for a photo opportunity.
“In this situation he has about as much power and influence as Miliband,” one angry resident of Purley said.