Tag Archives: heat wave

Local idiot will sit in the sun all day today, if temperatures top 30°C

sunburn3

See, two whole days in the sun last week – still no cancer

A Harold man who thinks the moon-landings were faked and melanoma is what picnic mugs are made from, hopes to get his annual Vitamin D intake today, if weather forecasts are correct .

Conspiracy theorist and pot-head, 23 year-old Adam Cassidy, says that skin cancer is an invention of cancer charities. Continue reading

Comments Off on Local idiot will sit in the sun all day today, if temperatures top 30°C

Filed under idiots, News, Weather

“It’s too hot” says man who moaned last week that summer was over

thermometer

“How is anyone supposed to live in temperatures like these?”

A local man who thinks the winds, waves, and ultimately the varying temperature of the sun are personally out to spite him, has “had enough of it.”

Daytime temperatures in Harold have soared to 26℃ and Adam Cassidy believes it’s time to take a stand.

“I like it hot as much as anybody else, but this is too hot.” complained Cassidy, a part-time conspiracy theorist, who confirmed that a steady 22.4℃ with a light south westerly breeze would be perfect. “But not too much of a breeze, otherwise it makes the blinds rattle when I open the windows.”.

Continue reading

Comments Off on “It’s too hot” says man who moaned last week that summer was over

Filed under Around Harold, News, Weather

Village issues Level 3 street party warning

carnival

Mardi Gras or Mardy Bum?

Villagers in Harold are being asked to keep an eye on vulnerable neighbours who might be tempted to carnival in sweltering temperatures.

With the mercury rising and the sun beating down, some members of the community could be tempted to make the most of the weather. But Councillor Ron Ronsson warned against such infuriatingly continental behaviour, and urged residents to maintain a stiff upper lip.

“The elderly and the young are at the greatest risk of making the most of this weather”, insisted Ronsson. “Because the rest of us are stuck working in the office. But while al fresco dining and lively music might seem a good idea at first, I’ve got one word for you all: ‘wasps’.”
Continue reading

Comments Off on Village issues Level 3 street party warning

Filed under Around Harold, Culture