Local idiot will sit in the sun all day today, if temperatures top 30°C

See, two whole days in the sun last week – still no cancer

A Harold man who thinks the moon-landings were faked and melanoma is what picnic mugs are made from, hopes to get his annual Vitamin D intake today, if weather forecasts are correct .

Conspiracy theorist and pot-head, 23 year-old Adam Cassidy, says that skin cancer is an invention of cancer charities.

“Everyone knows they’re hand-in-hand with the ‘sun protection industry’ and that it’s cannabis that prevents cancer. I’ve been stoned for years and look – no cancer.”

“Still don’t believe me sheeple?” asked Cassidy “OK, I lay in the sun all day last week – twice- and look at my back. Still …no … cancer. Case proved, yeah? Do you want a bang on this?”