Tag Archives: drone

Police scale back operations after Gatwick drone photo emerges

This changes everything

Police have dramatically called off all search operations in the Gatwick area after the first confirmed photograph emerged of the mystery “drone” which has brought chaos to the airport.

After days of unconfirmed sightings, officials were beginning to question whether the mystery flying object actually existed. This changed on Christmas Eve, when a passenger booked on flight HAR666 for Dunstable came forward with a clear photograph of a bearded object being propelled through the Gatwick sky by what appeared to be a team of reindeer.

“I saw it clear as day,” explained Brian Renfrew from the village of Harold. “Obviously some clever mechanical flying device done up to take the shape of a large merry gentleman with a large sack on what I can only describe as a sleigh.”

“I could even hear the motor whirring from where I was sitting on the airport observation deck. You couldn’t miss it, a kind of loud HOOOOOOOOOOing noise. Followed by a couple more.”

Authorities have insisted that the new photographic evidence does not indicate a threat, and that they have actually decided to cancel all search operations.

“My men and I are professionals,” insisted Detective Inspector Partridge of Gatwick Airport police. “We’re as keen as anyone to bring this mystery flyer to justice, but we have to consider the painstaking months we’ve all spent compiling our Christmas present list, and quite frankly none of us are prepared to put that in jeopardy.”

“Personally, I asked him for a ride-on mower, and I’m buggered if I’m getting on the naughty list for the sake of a few disgruntled holidaymakers.”

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Filed under Christmas, News

UK men in Syria drone death ‘were actually on EasyJet trip to Prague’

south_prague

A coach transfer to your hotel may be necessary

EasyJet has apologised after it emerged that the supposed UK militants killed by a drone attack  in Syria this week were merely on a stag do in the Czech Republic, and had just landed at the airline’s ‘South Prague’ airport, which happens to be near the Syrian/Lebanese border.

The rolling, once-fertile Hawran Plateau south of Damascus might seem a strange choice for those heading to Eastern Europe, but the airline was adamant that customers are well aware that some of the airports on its routes involve a coach transfer to their final destination.

“In this case, to reach downtown Prague from our airport of choice would involve a simple taxi or coach trip, followed by an arduous journey being smuggled into Europe by ruthless people smugglers,” explained an EasyJet spokesperson this morning. Continue reading

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Filed under Travel, War

Drone pilot wins Victoria Cross

for valour

Although untraumatised, pilot will need years of occupational therapy.

A drone pilot, battling away in a reasonably comfortable lounge, has become the first remote combatant to achieve the Victoria Cross.

Despite a searing repetitive strain injury and being down to his last 2 bags of pretzels, John Stilgo continued to pour missiles into a deadly Afghanistan orphanage.

“I wasn’t concerned at all for my own safety”, revealed Stilgo. “Instinct took over. I just knew I had to push through if I wanted to beat the squadron’s highest score.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Society, War