Blatter auditions for ‘Call My Bluff’.
Sky and BT are locked in a fierce battle for the the rights to televise Sepp Blatter’s trial.
Sky are promising to debut their slow-motion car crash technology, and a resolution that could see their new star locked into a 20 year contract, excluding parole.
“This is an exciting event that everyone has been looking forward to for years”, said Rupert Murdoch.
“Trust me, we have a lot of experience in how the court system works. My son James is going to head up this bid.”
Rooney is on a roll.
Sir Richard Branson has stolen a lead on media rivals, after securing exclusive rights to the footballers’ leavings.
“Laying a cable is something our firm was founded on”, said Branson. “We promise our viewers they’ll see every juddering headshaker, every sweating push, and all in slow motions.”
With watching actual football now deemed way beyond even a billionaire’s pockets, Branson admitted he himself could no longer afford to watch The Beautiful Game.
“Rather than settle for rights to the likes of Hartlepool United or any of the other ‘bottom’ clubs, we’ve thought ‘outside the box’and secured exclusive footage straight from the tunnel.”
With the impending retirement of Matt Smith as Doctor Who, the BBC have commissioned a special, one-off programme to be aired this evening that will announce they have lost the broadcast rights to the cult sci-fi classic.
Following in the footsteps of football, rugby and MotoGP, in-depth coverage of the time-lord’s antics will be fronted by Jake Humphrey on BT’s new television channel.