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Anti-capitalism protesters ridiculed for wearing trousers, eating food


No-one’s allowed to protest any more, because picture

Sanctimonious free-market apologists have slammed so called “anti-capitalism protesters” for their hypocrisy in propping up big business by having the cheek to buy sandwiches and wear clothes.

“Look at them,” ejaculated big nob in the City Toby Ffitch-Romper this morning. “Look at them with their jeans and their bread-based lunch snacks. Bought from a shop. The hypocrisy’s lost on them, of course.”

“Don’t get me started on those Guy Fawkes masks. They’re made in China you know, by workers struggling in terrible conditions. I know, because my bank owns the factory.”

“What these sheeple don’t realise is that even their clothes are made by poorly-paid workers to enrich the very elite which they purport to be protesting against! Me, I don’t take any protester seriously unless they’re naked, with no hair product, and haven’t eaten in six months. Anyone else is just a bastard.”

Chartered Accountant Alan Renfrew was of a similar opinion. “They’re out there with banners, letting themselves be photographed by iPhones! I mean, can’t they see the irony?”

“Personally, I make all my telephone calls to my wife Beryl by means of a long length of string and two cans. That’s not a statement about our throw-away society, I’m just a weirdo.”

“I might not choose to take to the streets to bring down the giant corporations, but if I did, the fact that I dress entirely in my own fluff would mean I’m not literally drenched in the blood of Bangladeshi factory workers.”

“Were it not for the fact that I unfortunately happen to be a mass-murderer specialising in loom-workers from the Bangladesh area.”

“That is, however, by the by.”


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BNP forced to admit website not hacked just stupid

Nothing to do with us

“Nothing to do with us.”

In order to counter the widespread belief that their website had been hacked the BNP were today forced to admit that it is intentionally full of stupidity and toss.

“The first thing you see on the BNP’s site is a headline saying ‘Rebuilding the ethnic British race‘,” said Evening Harold journalist S.F McCrossin. “So almost immediately I assumed they’d been hacked. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland has only existed in its current form since 1921. That’s not wanting to rebuild an ethnic race that’s wanting to rebuild Prince Philip. Or maybe not seeing as he was born in Greece and his dad was Greek. I don’t think the BNP are keen on that sort of thing.” Continue reading

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