“Come on then. Do you want some, you w**ker?”
The Parliamentary Standards Authority has queried a £3 million ‘photocopy paper & sundry office supplies’ bill, which appeared overnight on Andrew Mitchell’s expenses claim form.
“Yes, it is a bit on the high side” admitted Enid Baxter, the night-duty Emergency Expenses Officer” and we’d have preferred it to be on a printed invoice, rather than handwritten on the back of an envelope”.
However, Baxter says it wasn’t the amount of the claim which caused concern but the request for the cheque to be made out to ‘cash’.
“I expect his mind was on other things” she conceded, “what with the £3 million libel case court costs and the Judge finding out he was lying. Probably.”
Officers ‘clearly had help’ with name badges.
The Metropolitan Police have been accused of ‘deliberately provoking’ Tory MPs, with their choice of replacement officers to guard the gates at Downing Street.
With several regular officers from Number 10 currently engaged with helping other police avoid their enquiries, the choices of PC Pleb, PC Prole and PC Minion as replacements has raised a few eyebrows.
“I thought the police were supposed to be f***ing helping us”, complained semi-disgraced MP Andrew Mitchell, rather quietly. “If you ask me, choosing these three is just taking the p*ss.”
Mitchell has so far failed to gain access to Downing Street since the latest appointments, despite his best attempts to attract their attention by politely coughing.