Tag Archives: alan pardew

Pardew says he ‘would consider’ underperforming with another new club

What are your chances of managerial success, Alan?

Perennial managerial failure and Babel Fish in human form, Alan Pardew, believes his work with West Bromwich Albion is complete, so he’s prepared to think about sending another team plummeting into the Championship next season.

“I’ve done all that I can to ensure the Baggies go down so, with nothing left to do here it’s time I moved on to find another club looking to get into the Championship.”

“Admittedly most of those clubs will be in League One at the moment but I’ve always approached things from another perspective. My dream is to take a Premier League club all the way to League Two but very few clubs have the vision to see that through”

“I’m looking for a team, battered by their current useless manager and thus with low expectations.” said Pardew “So it’s either West Ham or, if they still remember me from the last time I was there, it’ll have to be Everton.”

“Have I been there yet?”

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Pardew leaves Newcastle after fans finally stop telling him to piss off

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Pardew’s Newcastle team talk “Loyalty. You can’t buy it, but you’ll know it when you see it”

“Once the Pardew Out banners went down” said the manager who’s left behind him the longest contract in UK football history “I thought, ‘Right, you Geordie tossers. I’m off to London, soon-as’.”

Pardew believes the best way to thank owner Mike Ashley for standing by him, whilst his squad played like a Sunday pub team, was to clear off whenever he got a better offer.

“Ideally I’d have nutted one of the ‘sackpardew.com’ organisers before getting on me bike back to the smoke Continue reading

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Ed Miliband to adopt Alan Pardew style management techniques

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Despite the criticism Newcastle United’s Alan Pardew has received from the public, football experts and Robbie Savage for his headbutt on a Hull player, Ed Miliband has said he can see the merits of the management technique of ‘laying one on the nut’ of the opposition’s team.

‘I wouldn’t normally advocate violence unless it involved an army, dodgy evidence and was in a country far from here” the Labour leader said.

“But after watching Match of the Day, the more I think about it the more I can see the benefits of moving Michael Gove out of my way in the voting lobby by “pushing him” with my head. Continue reading

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