One day, this nob could be released back into the wild
Britain’s working classes are being encouraged to ‘do their bit for the struggling posh’, especially self-loathing toffs who crave a meaningless life of drudgery and filth.
With poshness now less welcome than leprosy in many UK homes, campaigners fear that the class system is becoming dangerously heavy-bottomed.
“Its rare to see someone in red trousers braying in a public place these days”, explained Margaret Hounslow of the charity ‘Snob It Out’. “They’re hunted ruthlessly for their thick skins, massive teeth and tiny chins.”
A nocturnal boy discovered in the woods outside Harold may have been ‘raised by moths’.
A group of naturalists had set out to record the night-time insects of Harold, but were shocked when their powerful lamps attracted a jittery youth with a face smeared in nectar.
“We’d set up nets, motion-sensing cameras and switched the big light on”, explained Gerladine Forster, who heads the local wildlife trust.
“There was a commotion behind us; snapping twigs, a rush of air, followed by what sounded eerily like a child muttering ‘flapflapflapflapflap’.