With 3D printing on the increase and a Manchester company claiming to have made a pair of 3D printed knickers, Harold’s very own ‘3D printing prototype’ has finally finished ‘printing’ a jumper.
“The project has been going for a while now, but we finally have a finished product” a spokesman for the Over-The-Hill retirement home, which houses the printer, told us.
“The technology is still a bit primitive, but Elsie Duggan, 86, can now knit 3D scarfs, over-sized 3D jumpers and gloves for people with six fingers.”
Brimful of Ashes.
A sports scientist at the cutting edge of technology has revealed plans to recreate the original bails from cricket’s famous 1882 ‘Ashes’.
When the unthinkable happened 131 years ago and ‘the colonies’ won on British soil, it was announced that ‘English cricket was dead’ and the bails were ceremonially burned.But thanks to three straight wins on the trot and a burning need to rub it in to the Aussies, Derek Hampton thinks the time is right to resurrect the once exctinct sport.
“By pouring the Ashes into a 3D printer, we should be able to ‘clone’ the bails back to life”, insisted Hampton. “I’ve plugged mine in and it looks pretty straightforward, although I’ve got to be careful not to accidentally fax them.”
The device can also warm a brown finger roll.
Harold teenager and would-be entrepreneur seventeen year old Simon Delaney is today facing a lengthy legal battle with the Chinese government over his new invention: a toasted sandwich maker that doubles as a sex toy.
“I read a thing about a bloke who had to call the fire brigade when he got his Rasputin stuck in his toaster and I thought, why would you shag a toaster? Then I after a while I thought, why wouldn’t you? So I designed the perfect machine,” said Delaney. “Only I made it a toasted sandwich maker so you can have a bacon and cheese toastie afterwards or maybe even during. Everything’s better with bacon.” Continue reading