His colour sense isn’t that great either
In the quiet English village of Harold, a local council is making a stand against the anti-social wearing of shorts by men.
“The first decent weather of the year saw men out and about in shorts which were already too small in 2015.”says Cllr Ron Ronnson.
“Oddly, most of the shorts hadn’t stretched in the back of the wardrobe, hidden under a 2012-2013 Manchester United scarf and a replica ‘Thierry Henry’ Arsenal shirt.”
Bankrupt, both financially and morally.
In a tearful interview with ITN’s Robert Peston, David Cameron has been forced to disclose that he’s not the fabulously wealthy millionaire many of his inner circle believed.
“I feel conned,” said one city banker. “He’s not getting invited round my mansion again.”
Cameron spoke at length about how he was often on the verge of bankruptcy, how the mortgage company lay in wait, ready to repossess his home and sell it cheap at auction to a builder; and how he was forced to sneak down the food banks late at night disguised as a heroin addict and buy his suits from Oxfam.
“Samantha gives me earache every time I go overdrawn,” he said.
This is the first time Cameron has come clean about his true state of poverty. And properly wealthy members of his inner circle are already beginning to distance themselves from him for his hypocrisy.
Twists and turns
Local amateur chromosome-enthusiast Brian Aubrey, whose father and grandfather both took a keen interest in genetics, has concluded that the driving force behind their common pastime must be in his DNA.
His hypothesis was published in this month’s edition of Naturist World.
“For editorial reasons, they changed the title to ‘DNA: The Bare Facts’ and preferred to illustrate the article with a photo of some rather healthy-looking women playing volley ball on a beach in Spain, which they said was more interesting than my diagram showing the distribution of chromosomes in a double helix.”
“The problem is finding an outlet for your research. It’s a highly competitive business and sometimes it’s necessary to resort to click-bait tactics to get your message out there.”