Never mind the Brexit, here’s the Royal Family

Hooray, now no one has to do any thinking about anything for months.

The entire Cabinet dropped to their knees and wept tears of joy this morning as the National Distraction Machine aka the House of Windsor provided it with a perfect and enduring smokescreen.

“Harry’s getting married and William and Kate are having another baby,” gushed Theresa May. “We’re now in ‘Match ‘n’ Hatch’ situation that’s going to keep everything else out of the headlines for months. What’s cack-handedly plunging the country into an economic decline so severe it could lead to civil unrest compared to one woman wearing a white dress and another woman pushing a tiny human out of her Oprah Winfrey?”

“I’m so happy,” she said. “Or to put it another way today is a good day to bury bad Irish borders.”

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