Desperate PM to try turning Tories off and on again

Strong and stable or don’t you think she looks tired?

Facing the prospect of Brexit kicking the UK so hard it’ll be wearing its arse for a hat as Conservatives from councillors to MPs are seemingly engaged in a ‘who can blather like the most offensive bubbly-jock’ contest while Michael Gove and Boris Johnson are like just out there, you know, loose, a frantic Theresa May has opted to turn the Tories off and on again in the hope that’ll fix all their and her problems.

“I’ve been assured that taking this action is known to solve many issues,” Theresa May said. “I’m especially hoping that it’ll put an end to toxicity and incompetence unless it’s the kind I, Paul Dacre or Rupert Murdoch enjoy.”

While the turning off and on again plan may work for the Tories it would endanger their House of Commons majority as it seems this solution can’t be applied to the DUP because while even the Conservatives have made it at least as far as Windows XP the Belfast bigots remain very much ZX Spectrum 48k.

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