Little wooden puppet in hell’s own version of Pinocchio, Jeremy Hunt, has today announced that the newly named Bank of NHS will be bailed out to the tune of £850 billion effective immediately.
“The NHS was absolute shite,” he said. “It was just sick people plus so-called ‘experts’ in medicine – total dullsville yah? Now it’s a bank, well, we all know they’re far too important to fail. It was my pleasure to step in and rain taxpayers cash down on this most worthy of causes.”
“The eight-fifty matches that which us Tories gave our City chums last time so it seems only right because banks are bloody brilliant. I love the Bank of NHS and it will want for nothing.”
“Although they do need to smarten up a bit,” he added. “The last branch I popped into was in chaos and clearly attracting a shabby and aging client list. And the staff all seemed really cross with me for some reason.”