NHS renames itself Bank of NHS and secures immediate government bail out



Little wooden puppet in hell’s own version of Pinocchio, Jeremy Hunt, has today announced that the newly named Bank of NHS will be bailed out to the tune of £850 billion effective immediately.

“The NHS was absolute shite,” he said. “It was just sick people plus so-called ‘experts’ in medicine – total dullsville yah? Now it’s a bank, well, we all know they’re far too important to fail. It was my pleasure to step in and rain taxpayers cash down on this most worthy of causes.”

“The eight-fifty matches that which us Tories gave our City chums last time so it seems only right because banks are bloody brilliant. I love the Bank of NHS and it will want for nothing.”

“Although they do need to smarten up a bit,” he added. “The last branch I popped into was in chaos and clearly attracting a shabby and aging client list. And the staff all seemed really cross with me for some reason.”

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