“There’s no sleight of hand involved,” insisted the walking definition of ‘it’s who you know’ this morning. “But there is Derren’s trademark blend of magic, misdirection, psychology and showmanship.”
“Using it I’ve already convinced myself that I’m doing a brilliant job and that as a failed marmalade exporter I definitely know more about medicine than so-called experts. Sorry? No, nothing at all about marmalade, that was my USP. Eh? No, nothing about exports either. It’s hard to see how it went so wrong.”
“Derren’s got me into the power of words.” explained the answer to various quiz questions in years to come. “So just like George Osborne’s Living Wage, my massive whapper of a lie is rebranding the NHS the Well-Funded NHS,” he said.
“If that doesn’t work, I dunno, I’ll write some shit on the side of a big shiny bus. That seems to fool almost everyone.”