The DWP has slashed funds for homeless hostels and supported housing for disabled people but claims it has no choice as their head office is haunted by an evil spirit that will only tolerate the persecution of those most in need.
“It’s chaos here and bloody terrifying,” a civil servant told us. “Ghost IDS stalks the corridors at night casting evil dust abroad. When you arrive the next morning and try to be compassionate all the computers have a bazzy and the fire alarm goes until something horrific is entered into the system.”
“Ghost IDS is making us hunt down and destroy anyone guilty of being in need,” our source continued. “If the slightest disquiet about this is expressed all the lights flash on and off and a disembodied voice shouts ‘strivers not shirkers’ over and over again.”
“I really want to leave but I’ve heard that being unemployed in this country is an absolute mare.”