There was sadness across the nation this morning as everyone realised that the much hyped ‘war’ between Boris Johnson and Liam Fox isn’t proper and that neither of them are going to get so much as paper cut .
“This is the worst war since that Ben Affleck film about Pearl Harbour,” grumbled local pensioner Doris Kettle. “It’s just words between a puffy, cream-faced loon and a venomous toad of not one good quality. If war really is boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror when are we getting to the good part?”
Meanwhile Theresa May appealed for us all to keep calm and carry on, promising that it will all be over by Christmas.