Professor Yaffle after a hard night on the Buckfast, Jeremy Corbyn, is today going to turn the parliamentary Labour party off and on again it the hope that’ll make it function as an effective opposition once more.
It’s believed that the problems began when a shyster called Blair installed a load of corrupted networks following the death of the properly qualified John Smith.
“A grinning demon keeps filling the place,” Corbyn said. “At first we thought it was the Joker but it’s Blair and he’s become embedded in our psychological hard drive. I’ve tried dunking Hilary Benn in bleach and swatting at Blair with the Chilcot Report but the bastard’s still here.”
“I suppose if everything’s really messed up then we’ll have to do a hard reset back to Wilson settings. I’ll get Johnny McDonnell to buy me a pipe just in case.”