‘A few songs from our new album’ now world’s most dreaded phrase

Bono singing a few songs from the new album

Bono singing a few songs from the new album

‘A few songs from our new album’ has replaced ‘you’ll hardly feel a thing’ and ‘my mum’s coming to stay for a bit’ as the world’s most dreaded phrase.

The poll result was slightly surprising given the plethora of terror attacks and generally upsetting news, but it seems the horror of Bono, Eric Clapton, and co devoting a significant part of a concert to new material is undimmed.

“We thought ‘President Trump’ sounded pretty scary, but imagine paying upwards of 100 quid to see the Rolling Stones only to hear Mick Jagger say ‘a few songs from our new album’. Completely horrifying, especially considering the new album is supposedly ‘blues-inspired’, whatever that means’ said Dunstable pollster Kevin Edwards.

“I’m no U2 fan myself, but I feel the pain of people who go to U2 concerts prepared to put up with Bono hypocritically drivel on about the world’s economic problems, but then discovering the un-self-aware bastard plays the entire new album, plus some unreleased songs that didn’t make the cut.”

Edwards said fans of bands as diverse as the Cure, Pet Shop Boys, and AC/DC confessed to waking up in a cold sweat at the thought of being subject to ‘a few songs from the new album’, but nothing matched the sheer terror of Bob Geldof fans who faced the awful prospect of hearing songs from any album Sir Bob released after 1979.

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