Ex-Chancellor and future warning from history George Osborne has spoken of his delight at being sacked by Theresa May and dumped on the backbenches like an unwanted puppy on a country road.
“This is majorly good stuff,” Osborne told journalists. “Now I can like totes give more time to Pokémon GO. Have you played it? It’s fantastic. Since 2010 I’ve been playing this game called the British Economy and it’s been really boring, yah? There’s way too much stats and not enough action. It’s been all grind, grind, grind and numbers. Didn’t have a clue what was going on but Fatty who was next door said I had to keep playing and then one day I could take over Fruit Ninja duties from him. Didn’t pan out that way but, hey, more Pokéies for Georgie.”
“There’s a Venusaur in the Cabinet Office and a Snorlax in the bog at Number Eleven. I wonder if the new lady will let me back in to catch ’em?”