The village of Harold is tinged with sadness this morning following the news that village idiot, Tim Trotman, has died leaving precisely no one left alive who even slightly cares about Top Gear or Jeremy Clarkson’s new show.
“Tim was well excited,” said neighbour Julie Kettle. “He loved all the hype and the fact that there’s something about both shows in the press every sodding day. He even thought most of it was real reporting and not part of two micromanaged publicity campaigns. Bless ‘im.”
“I don’t think either show will find an audience now,” she said. “There’s only room in the world for one mind-buggeringly wealthy old dickhead to stride about the globe talking offensive bollocks and claiming it’s just bants, and Donald Trump’s got that role sewn up.”