Red-necked US citizens were left red-faced this morning after the sudden withdrawal of Donald Trump from the election race.
Dubbed the longest running build-up to an April Fool bombshell, the news left millions dumbstruck. Eventually, small pockets of people in isolated communities began to recover their composure.
“Hey, he didn’t fool us for one minute,” they said. “We was jes’ playin’ along n’all. We sure ain’t no bigoted racists, no sir, we was jes’ pretendin’.”
The media revealed that they had been in on the joke from the start. “It was tough at times, keeping a straight face while delivering Trump News. The stories went from the sublime to the ridiculous, but we’re professionals.”
The news was quickly followed by the even more astonishing revelation that the whole ‘Donald Trump Experience’ was actually an art installation staged by Banksy and mentalist Derren Brown.
The announcement of Hillary Clinton’s withdrawal at about the same time was a low-key affair by comparison. “Oh, come on,” she said.
So that just leaves good old Colonel Saunders, the chicken giant.