A startling political transformation is sweeping through the UK’s straight men this morning as they contemplate going into town and throwing themselves at shops selling cards, flowers and bath bombs with all the urgency and judgement of a pack of coked-up wolves.
“Why should I have to do this?” asked villager Nick Stalling. “If feminism means we’re equal then why isn’t my girlfriend buying me a load of red and pink rubbish too? In fact why should either of us spend money on stuff or a meal out? This is no way to live. We should both stick it to The Man and ignore this objectifying capitalist shite!”
“And I’d say all that to her but if I hand over a dozen roses and a Lush gift box to my Doris tomorrow morning she’ll probably give me a blow job. Bless her.”