In his most embarrassing proclamation yet, celebrity simpleton Donald Trump has announced that if he becomes President, all Native Americans will be immediately barred from entering the USA.
Coming hot on the heels of his other statement about banning all Muslims, Trump now seems to have lost his last tenuous grip on reality.
“If these so-called ‘indians’ or whatever they call themselves try to enter our great country, we will send them back to where they came from immediately,” spluttered the furry one, “Wherever that is.”
In the face of criticism that Native Americans were a) no threat to anyone, and b) already here, Trump was insistent:
“I have seen the footage of them running around, celebrating the capture of white soldiers, waving tomahawks and whooping,” he ranted. “You may have forgotten this being on TV, but I haven’t. Only that dude in the mask was any good – I’m a bit like him. Although I’d never trust one of them to be second-in-charge like that ‘Tonto’ guy.”
“White man speak with forked tongue, that’s what they all say, whatever that means. You’d have to ask them.”
Trump’s campaign manager Corey Lewandowski appeared nervous when questioned by reporters this morning.
“Oh god, he wants to send them all back home – I just daren’t tell him they were here a long time before he was,” he sobbed. “OK, the Muslim thing was just a bit of harmless racism, but all this crap he’s spewing out now, it’s like working for an enormous wigged rectum.”
“OK, I think he meant to say ‘naive Americans’. No wait, they’re the ones on our side. Is that microphone on?”