The recent increase in the cost of renewing Trident by £6bn is a simple matter of supply and demand, the Chancellor has claimed.
“When no-one wants something, you can pick it up pretty cheaply”, said George Osborne. “For instance, I picked up membership of the Labour party for a mere three quid.”
“But what if there’s a decent advertising campaign, such as Russian submarines being spotted in Scotland or a soviet bomber noodling about over Kent? The demand for, say, a retro nuclear deterrent could easily go up by 20 percent.”
Osborne went on to explain that such a price increase was reassuring, because it meant that the government was buying something that people found fashionable.
“I can see Trident being sold out by Christmas”, he suggested. “That’s why we’ve ordered a few extra ones. We can flog those on eBay, I’ve already got a few watchers.”
Meanwhile, David Cameron has ordered his own jet. It’s thought his forehead fits comfortably in the bomb bay of a Vulcan.