An undercover police officer who infiltrated the Labour leadership contest has been named as Jeremy Corbyn.
Corbyn, who has three other families through his work with Greenpeace, Amnesty International and the Beard Liberation Front, has gone back to his fishing village now his cover is blown.
“I can confirm that PC ‘Corbyn’ has worked for the Special Demonstration Squad since 1983”, said the Met’s superintendent Latechild. “Unfortunately on this occasion, he’s overstretched his remit.”
Real name Daniel Clusterbuck, ‘Corbyn’ has a chequered history with the police. Despite fathering 78 children with the sort of women who like dream catchers and t-shirts with unicorns on, he somehow found time to start the Miners’ strike in 1984 and to make people feel bad about eating at McDonald’s.
“Those last two really helped undermine public support for left-wing views”, said Latechild, as he wiped special sauce from his truncheon.
“But this idea of secretly creating a socialist utopia by covertly leading the ‘real’ Labour party to election victory is going too far.”