The village came together as one yesterday evening to rescue itself from a hipster on a unicycle.
“It was rush hour. A busy time on the High Street during which there can be as many as three cars travelling plus a tractor,” PC Flegg told us. “I was on hand to co-ordinate the traffic when I saw this bearded idiot on a unicycle holding everyone up and looking unbelievably pleased with himself. I had no option but to taser him in the face for being an insufferable dick.”
Thanks to her quick action the hipster was stopped but as he hit the ground his vintage canvas rucksack burst open revealing a typewriter and he muttered something about taking it to a coffee shop to work on his screenplay.
“At which point,” PC Flegg said, “A large crowd gathered and within seconds over a hundred villagers had formed a single unit of purpose and lifted the Dunstable Tesco free bus onto him in order to, in the words of one villager, “contain the nonsense.”
“Technically that is an offence but part of community policing is knowing when to turn a blind eye and the hipster did have the bus taken off him a few hours later after promising to be quiet and stop claiming to view absolutely everything “ironically”.