The people of Nepal have explained that while they are very grateful for the thoughts and prayers of Facebook readers, now would be a really good time to send money as well.
Rivalry is growing intense between Christians, Buddhists and Pagans to send prayers, love and dreamcatchers to the disaster area, but teams on the ground are adamant that food, tents and the funds to buy these are in much shorter supply.
“It’s true that money isn’t everything,” admitted Prime Minister Sushil Koirala. “Helicopters would also be particularly useful. The point we’re making is that we have heartfelt prayers up the wazoo, to be honest.”
“Same for yoga mantras, frankly. We do appreciate the chanting, but we’d be even more excited if you sent out search and rescue teams, maybe some food parcels.”
“My heart is breaking over Nepal. In a perfect world I’d be out there now helping,” lamented obese IT help-desk bloke Tony, 35. “I’ve been sitting here praying so hard every lunchtime, I’ve hardly had time to eat – for me, no personal sacrifice is too great.”
“Ironically I’ve saved loads of money through not going out to the pub at midday,” he continued. “I’m thinking of getting a new sofa.”
Upon hearing this, Koirala rolled his eyes only slightly before asking: “Could you at least send us the sofa?”