Ed Balls has given the Labour election campaign a powerful boost, after announcing he has finally passed GCSE maths.
The shadow chancellor has resat the tough exam 32 times, “which is an even number”, the newly-confident maths-whizz revealed.
But it was 30-ish times lucky for Balls, who finally has a ‘strong pass’ in one of the key qualifications any economist would strive for.
“We’ve put it on the fridge, so visiting dignitaries can see it”, said Balls. “Alex Salmond was so impressed, he gave me two pounds to spend on sweets. Just think, I could buy a penny chew every day for a year.”
Balls did admit that a magnetic souvenir from Alton Towers may have obscured the grade on his certificate. But he claimed that this was through coincidence, rather than shame.
“There’s nothing wrong with a ‘D’, of course I’d have been happy with that. But I did two better, they actually gave me an ‘E’.”