Facebook has announced that it will pay its 1.39 billion users a basic minimum wage from now on in acknowledgement of the fact that their current business model is starting to look too much like slavery.
“Apparently tracking people obsessively without their consent to the extent we know more about them than the most obsessive helicopter parent does their unremarkable child is like a bad thing,” said Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook’s CEO. “And also monetising people’s lives and hoarding all the cash isn’t cool. No one ever told me, but hey, everyone have a few bucks. Now please, keep posting.”
He also announced that anyone looking for a pay rise could apply for a promotion to the experimental FB II: Electric Boogaloo. Few details of this project are in the public domain however it is known to involve major surgery.