“We received a tip-off by email that a member of the public was planning to switch on an appliance, without having the appropriate paperwork”, said Harold’s PC Flegg.
“As soon as I read it, I put my Taser on charge and had a couple of practice shots at a potato on my sofa”, said Flegg. “I knew it was perfectly safe, because I don’t need permission to use it. Unlike my television, which costs me £145.50 a year before I can legally operate it.”
A psychological profiler thinks they’re looking for a man in their 40s, who likes cars or has a history of using one. He may also be uninterested in cooking competitively, and has possibly never knitted a bee.
“That’s one scenario we’re looking at”, said Flegg. “Or perhaps they’re not a fan of Poldark. Although that seems unlikely, given his oiled chest.”
Flegg has applied for permission to tap a number of local phonelines, as she attempts to bring the criminal to justice.
“Well, it’s partly that and partly that I quite like listening to random conversations”, said Flegg. “It’s certainly more entertaining than watching the telly on a Sunday evening.”