Aldi looks set to finally rid its car parks of Range Rovers, thanks to a range of french-sounding poisonous chocolates.
Choceur Malade, a high-end sweet filled with chunks and a thin green jus, is specifically targeted at ABC1s who spend too long reading wine labels.
“Our store is a ‘volks markt’, we sell burgers in tins, für Gott’s sake”, said store manager Helmut Braun. “We leave posh stuff piled up in the corners as ein trap for red-trousered fops.”
“Having a bourgeois pig sneering over your shoulder as you rummage through our compressed meat leavings can be off-putting. Hopefully these chocolates will encourage them to fokk off back to Waitrose.”
So far, no working class families have been affected, although a middle-manager from an estate agents is reported to be ‘looking a bit peaky’.
“I don’t think that’s Aldi’s fault”, the big tie-knotted oaf mouthed at us through the spittle-covered window of his Audi.
“I popped into M&S for a sandwich, and they’ve laced the cheap ones with rat poison.”