Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary has vowed to make his airline even more unpleasant in order to reclaim its place at the bottom of the league table for customer service.
“Apparently nPower and Scottish Power are now both slightly more heinous than we are,” a disappointed O’Leary said. “I’m not having that. Ryanair prides itself on providing the most kak experience there is.”
He went on to announce a raft of reforms in order to regain that coveted last place including replacing seats with spikes and ensuring that at check-in each passenger gets publicly weighed then reminded what an utter shambles they turned out to be in comparison to their youthful hopes and dreams.
“But it’s not just about the flying and the airport,” O’Leary said. “We need to be maximum bastards throughout all points of customer contact. Which is why our website is being taken over by Facebook and the hold music on our phone lines has just been changed to the new U2 album.”