White House aides have confirmed that any further response to the Isis Crisis has been postponed until the FBI, CIA and other intelligence agencies have apprehended the person responsible for the publication of nude photographs of celebrities without their permission.
“We appreciate that celebrities flaunt their flesh at any opportunity for the delight of their adoring public, but it’s an entirely different thing when this is done without permission and the celebrity is unable to receive payment,” said an official, “this threatens the entire basis of Western Civilisation, far more than the Islamic State which is miles away anyway.”
Although Prime Minister, David Cameron, was reported to be right behind the President, opposition politicians have cautioned against any premature knee jerk reaction. “We have to be very careful,” said one leading parliamentarian. “Personally, I’d like to be allowed to see the evidence in the flesh before we sanction any action,” he added hopefully.
Whilst emphasising President Obama’s crusading determination to have the perpetrator bought to justice, insiders have been keen to distance him from persistent rumours suggesting that the President may have been less than careful with his iPhone when making up to the First Lady after posing for that selfie with blonde Danish Prime Minister Helle “The Thong” Thorning-Schmidt and David “Pants” Cameron last year.