Currently under fire for advising Kazakhstan’s President Nursultan Nazarbayev on how to spin the murder of unarmed protesters, Tony Blair has come clean about another controversial client of his: Satan.
“I understand and hear what critics are saying,” said Mr Blair. “However, I would simply say this to them: by all means make your points and I assure you I’m listening. Satan is now a client of Tony Blair Associates because I believe that a sense of balance and an objective valuation of the achievements of Hell is the road to lasting peace.”
When challenged on Satan’s dictatorship and the fact that indefinite detention and torture is endemic across Hell, Blair said he was “looking beyond those issues” and that he is convinced that “Hell is a strategically important place for the West that will receive my unwavering support.”
A spokesdemon for Satan confirmed that Tony Blair will not be paid for his services until later when he shall reap his eternal reward.