Disappointed salvage workers say the wrecked former-radical political party, the good ship ‘Liberal Democrats’, remains firmly glued to the sea-bed, on which it’s been resting for four years.
The enormous sunken turd – target of one of the biggest political salvage operations in history – is only just registering a pulse in the opinion polls.
Senior LibDems still believe that re-shuffling the deckchairs and the bags of wind already on board will provide the necessary flotation-lift in time for May 2015. If so, the impetus could allow it to be towed to the party’s spiritual home of south west England and then scrapped. Captain Nick Clegg is expected to be humanely destroyed.
The Liberal Democrats ran into difficulty shortly after leaving the Downing Street rose garden in May 2010, dashing supporters’ hopes on an unexpected reef of ethical dilemmas.
However, party president Tim Farron retains a touching boyish optimism “The party is upright and not listing to the left any more, which is extremely positive” he insisted “and if it wasn’t for the bloody great hole in the side it’d be fine.”