Fears are growing for the safety of Ed Miliband. In a week where a million people went on strike and the government legally banned privacy, the Leader of the Opposition’s continued silence has led to him being reported missing.
Thought to be vulnerable and confused Miliband has not been seen or heard in public for some time giving rise to fears that he is trapped in a revolving door somewhere or has perhaps become the victim in a brotherly argument that has gotten out of hand.
A Labour Party spokesperson has given assurance that Miliband offers no threat to or leadership for the general public.
“Ed is a gentle soul,” she said. “He’s never happier than when reading The Sun or eating a bacon sandwich or sitting on the fence. He’s extremely docile especially in the face of a government that’s tearing up civil liberties.”
“Ed, if you read this, then please get in contact with us,” she appealed. “We want you to know that your party loves you and you’re not in any trouble. Unless you mean electorally, in which case you’re in deep shit but we’re not angry with you, that’s all we’re saying.”
Miliband’s family have also said that they want him home as soon as possible. Citing that until he returns they’ve got nowhere else to hang their coats and umbrellas.
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