The Health Secretary confirmed that the Government is to publish the dossier which details every blunder currently possible under the National Health Service.
Speaking in Parliament, Jeremy Hunt confirmed that the publication of the so called “Catalogue of Errors” will enable patients to choose which bungle they would prefer in the probable likelihood of an error taking place.
“In these days of budgetary constraint we have to accept that mistakes will occur, but if we can tailor the service to minimise the occurrence of the less popular errors, then we can demonstrate that the Government is really listening to patient’s wishes,” said the minister with the best cockney rhyming surname since Sir Fraser Puckwit.
According to a Health Department insider, all patients will be given a questionnaire when undergoing treatment. The form will be fairly straightforward in a GP’s surgery, simply giving a choice of misdiagnosis or incorrectly dispensed medicines.
However, once a patient enters hospital the form will become extensive. “Eventually, we want to offer patients the full catalogue of cock ups from Accidental Amputation to Untrained Brain Surgery but in the interim we will offer broader categories of malpractice such as Total Incompetence, Neglect, and Cruelty.”
Harold resident and NHS regular, Elsie Duggan, welcomed the announcement having suffered a cock up when mistakenly wandering into the local surgery instead of the clothes shop next door. “I just asked for a larger sized vest and I ended up with a breast enhancement,” said the now curvaceous 86 year old.