Islamic insurgents who took over an oil refinery in Iraq are confident they ‘have what it takes’ to run the plant efficiently.
ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi addressed his associates, while clutching an AK-47 and a Six Sigma training manual.
“Allah Akbar, change management is great”, said al-Baghdadi. “This new agile way of working will value all partners equally, especially those infidels who have relevant engineering qualifications.”
Al-Baghdadi explained how his first initiative was to introduce a flat management structure. “I did this by entering the boardroom and gunning everyone down, and then leaving the bodies to lay on the floor. It was a frank but constructive meeting, we do not have a blame culture.”
Emotional intelligence is important to ISIS, and Al-Baghadi claimed his team was customer-focused. “It is not enough to satisfy our end users, we must strive to delight”, he insisted. “Which is why we are now giving away a small blue smurf with every full tank of unleaded.”
“We need a blue sky approach, let us circle our wagons. No idiots, that is not management jargon: arrange the Toyota pick-ups in a circle, I can hear a helicopter coming.”