Things are looking good for Nigel Farage as Ukip are set to triumph in the European elections on May 22nd. Despite his party attracting significant opposition in the press and across social media it seems that no one who dislikes what Ukip stand for can actually be arsed to vote.
“We would,” said Pippa Delaney, who with her husband Dom runs Harold cafe Veggie! Veggie! Veggie!. “But neither of us have time in the morning and in the evenings we like to open a bottle and relax. We’re not apathetic though, we’re both careful to click ‘like’ on any anti-Ukip Facebook status update. Well, you’ve got to do your bit haven’t you?”
“Me and some of the lads had a laugh with Ukip’s free postal address,” Harold mechanic Sean Pavey told us. “Shame they stopped that. Now we’ve got loads of empty Pringles tubes and nothing to do with them.”
Despite his commitment to hijinks Pavey said that he wouldn’t be voting. “Too much hassle, isn’t it?” he said. ‘You’ve got to find the card and ID or something and then walk 200 metres to the primary school and blah, blah. I’ll Tweet about it on the day, why can’t that count?”
“I don’t vote,” pensioner Doris Kettle gleefully said. “It only encourages them.” She then laughed as if she’d said something funny.
In 2009 European Election Ukip came second with a 16.5 share of the vote. Less than one in three people eligible to vote did so.