In a speech that had many wondering if it was somehow still April 1st David Cameron claimed that he is doing the Lord’s work. Something which Jesus strenuously denies.
In his speech Cameron said: “Jesus invented the Big Society 2,000 years ago. I just want to see more of it.”
“Now that’s just balls,” Jesus told us. “I did no such thing. My philosophy has always been very much on the lines of: For I was hungry. And you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me. At no point did I ever say persecute the poor and the disabled and make sure your banking and business chums can avoid paying tax. Never happened.”
“Yes, I did perform the miracle of the loaves and fishes,” Jesus said. “But that was a one-off. It wasn’t My intention that people are forced to live off hand outs. It was a picnic not a signal that it’s okay to have food banks.”
Although he is not impressed by David Cameron’s words Jesus said that he would still be pleased to have the Prime Minister as a friend.
“Oh yes, absolutely,” Jesus enthused. “My message to David Cameron is the one I have for everyone. If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
“No hurry, Dave. I’ll be waiting.”