Royal Mail have sensationally sacked maybe their most popular postman Pat Clifton this afternoon. It follows a run of disciplinary actions in recent years since Mr Clifton was appointed head of Special Deliveries in and around the Greendale area.
Spokeswoman for Royal Mail Euphegenia Goggins said this afternoon: “It is with great regret that the company announces the contract of Pat Clifton has been terminated with immediate effect. Since taking on the role of special deliveries in September 2008 Pat has had been tasked with making 1,825 delivers under the Royal Mail Special Delivery premium next day guarantee service. Sadly he has lost or broken 1,819 of these. To be honest we started to think he was sabotaging his own deliveries, only to rescue them again thus appearing as a hero to the local folk.”
There didn’t seem to be any immediate threat to Cliftons’ position so the news will come as a shock to his many young fans.
Mrs Goggins went on “We would like to place on record our deepest gratitude to Pat for all his hard work over the past years, however in the long term interests of the public it was felt a change is now essential. I mean the song goes ‘They’ll be knock… ring… parcel to your door’ but quite frankly the parcel is more likely to be stuck in a tree or smashed up in a field where even Ted can’t fix it.”
When asked for a comment Mr Clifton said “With 33 years in the pension scheme supplemented with 33 years of birthday card money, I feel I’m a very happy man.”