The Ministry of Defence is supporting a new charity to help those ministers and senior civil servants who have difficulty walking in public without displaying papers to the cameras of waiting journalists.
‘Help for Zeroes’ was named in recognition of the lowest number of active brain cells held by an idiot leaving a briefing session in Downing Street, carrying Top Secret documents face-outwards. “Of course, it’s too simplistic to say they’re all as stupid as that,” says charity founder, MP for Harold Spencer Chadwick “many of them have an IQ in high double figures but ‘zero’ has a nice round ring to it”.
“We thought long and hard about this, then employed some boffins with previous military experience and they came up with a cracker.” says Chadwick. “They call it a ‘Document Case’. What happens is this – once you finish a meeting but before you leave the room, pop any document with confidential shit on it, say details of how little you’d do to support an invaded eastern European country, inside the ‘case’ and zip it shut”.
“Like all the best ideas, it seems so simple you find yourself wondering why no one thought of it before. We’re asking for help to buy cases for the needy and donations may be made at High Street banks or – cash only – to Eddie at Harold’s Squirrel Lickers Arms”.
The MP says that the document case has to be opaque for some reason, so using clear plastic or glass won’t really work. For the time being they’re using leather.