The USA’s National Rifle Association has stepped up to help the people of Ukraine, by urging its members to post hand guns to the country at random.
With 85% of the NRA having more guns than they can count in one sitting, the organisation’s president James W. Porter II has urged them to ‘send spare guns for freedom’.
“Ukraine is hurting”, said Porter. “They are struggling valiantly against Russia, Putin, communism and relatively sensible gun laws. It’s the perfect storm, a storm that can only be calmed by sending your old weapons.”
“If you’re a member of the NRA, then you care about freedom”, boasted Porter. “And that freedom should be extended to the enemies of our enemies, the Ukuleliens. Because as the saying goes, that makes them our friends. And with friends like us, who needs enemies?”
The most armed members of the club have enthusiastically sought out long-forgotten guns, cleaning out their kitchen drawers, glove boxes and toy trunks. With most weapons discarded iPhone-like when the latest model comes out, younger owners are welcoming the chance to say goodbye to bad rubbish.
Porter has posted a video on YouTube showing members how to pick random addresses in Kiev, and then make up a name that sounds a bit ‘Russiany’. “Next you make sure it’s loaded, chuck it in a Jiffy bag with some extra bullets if you can spare ’em”, the video explains. “Stick it in the post box, and sit back in the warm glow of knowing you’ve done your bit.”
The steady flow of weapons is making a difference, according to Porter. “Your guns are already being used to settle old scores”, he soothed. “There’s been several shoot-outs reported in postal rooms across the country.
“Of course, it would be better if that happened once your parcels had actually left our shores, but it’s a start. And it’s also the reason why I’m calling on the government to arm all our brave postmen.”