Shortly before the House of Lords vetoed the new law which would criminalise “causing nuisance or annoyance to any person”, it emerged that the law has already been used once – to arrest David Cameron and all his government ministers.
The new law allows anyone to be arrested and sent to prison for doing anything annoying at all, and has drawn admiration from repressive dictatorships the world over, but few expected it to be used so quickly on such a high-profile victim.
Acting on a tip-off from a man in Hull, police swooped on Downing Street yesterday in ‘Operation Fuckknuckle’, quickly rounding up someone they described only as “A 47-year-old Prime Minister” and his gang of shady associates.
Speaking from Hull, Brian Renfield, who made the complaint, was unrepentant, saying: “Well, they are annoying. Bloody annoying, the lot of them. And that’s what the law says, isn’t it? Bang to rights, I reckon, throw the key away.”
A police spokesperson from the newly-created Severely Annoying Crimes Division pointed out that the force had a duty to follow up on “all legitimate reports of crime”.
“You might think that making it illegal to annoy someone is a stupid law made up by a bunch of unfeeling jerks,” he explained, “But we’re just doing our job, and this mob were red-handed.”
A few of the gang managed to contact journalists from their remand cells while waiting for trial. One man, a desperate shadowy figure known only as “Nick Clegg” insisted he would use his influence to make sure the law was not deployed inappropriately, if he ever got out. Several more ministers have started a hunger strike, although this is not likely to have any effect for months, and Boris Johnson has launched a ‘dirty protest’, as usual.
While those charged under Operation Fuckknuckle are making their way through the courts, the police are thought to be tracking down several particularly annoying celebrities who fall into the category of ‘those connected to Fuckknuckle’. No names have been released, although the BBC has announced the cancellation of the next series of Top Gear.