There was shock for Russell Brand’s acolytes yesterday when it turned out that he is not the nation’s moral leader and holds no official position in either government or the church.
“I thought he was like boss of everything,” said Harold resident and long-term Brand follower Sean Pavey. “Because he gets blanket press coverage and goes on Newsnight giving it the big I am, I assumed he was important.”
“I’m really surprised,” said aspiring WAG Melanie Delaney. “It’s weird to think that he’s just spouting guff about voting and revolution without doing any research or having any first-hand knowledge of politics. Plus when I met him he said something about my ‘Bristols’ and his ‘dinkle’ which didn’t sound like equality at all.”
“It is a shock,” avid Brand fan Jane Hough told us. “Once Russell started going on about politics and writing open letters in the press I was thinking maybe he’d become an MP or studied at a high academic level but he’s still just the bloke who thought it would be a good idea to remake Arthur. And it so wasn’t.”
As his acolytes come to realise that Brand is just a stand-up comedian and not the nation’s moral leader nor the answer to any of its problems, Brand himself is continuing his media onslaught claiming he wants to see a whole new society based on redistribution of wealth although he is remaining tight-lipped on how much of his estimated £10 million fortune has found its way to worthy causes.
“I just hope we’re not in for a spate of famous Russell’s sounding off on things they don’t understand,” said concerned villager, Edward ‘Teddy’ Taylor. “I don’t want to hear what this one thinks about voting and I don’t give a rat’s arse about what Russell Grant’s opinion on climate change is or Russell Howard’s on Trident.”
“The only famous Russell needed in politics is Russell Crowe,” Taylor stated confidently. “As long as he’s channelling Maximus from Gladiator when he meets Iain Duncan Smith.”